


Letters from Home

by nanami



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Long-Distance Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 09:29:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12407703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanami/pseuds/nanami
Summary: “It won’t be long,” Chihaya said. "I’ll be back in Japan before the end of the year.”Before the end of the year,Haruka thought. It was only January.





	Letters from Home

_To Chihaya-chan:_

_I know it’s only been a few days, but I was too excited and had to write a letter now! I hope you’re settled in now. New York is a really big city, right? I can’t imagine what it’s like over there! Is it bigger than Tokyo? It must be. I think I’d be scared to go alone, but if I could visit with you, it might be fun!_

_Things have been pretty busy here. Producer-san has been in Hollywood for a month now, and Ritsuko-san took over his jobs for the time being. Some of the concert staff said it was a good change, because no one showed up late! I’m still excited for him to be back, though. Ritsuko-san can be a bit strict sometimes (don’t tell her I said that!)._

_I have a solo concert coming up, and I wish you could see it! I asked Azusa-san if she could record it so I could send you a copy! Do you have a DVD player over there?_

_I know you’ll be away for a few more months, but I hope we can keep in touch until you get back! I’ll send another letter soon!_

__—_ Haruka_

* * *

“You’re going to New York?”

For a moment, Haruka’s smile faltered. The candle on their table flickered, and Haruka only hoped it could mask the brief moment her face fell. In less than a second, she forced another smile, even as the world spun around her.

“It won’t be long,” Chihaya said gently, moving her hand under the table to squeeze Haruka’s. Haruka was grateful that the table was small enough that their knees could almost touch; Chihaya’s touch warmed her heart more than the flame between them could. “A few record producers want to talk to me about an international debut, but I’ll be back in Japan before the end of the year.”

_Before the end of the year._ It was only January. That could be as long as eleven months. With their Producer leaving, and Miki, too, Chihaya would be the third. Haruka knew by now that everyone was busy with their own work, and they couldn’t be with each other forever, but—

Well, maybe some part of her had always been a little selfish, even if she wouldn’t say it out loud.

“With you gone, I’m going to have to work triple to make up for it!” Haruka laughed, wincing at how fake it seemed.

Chihaya smiled back at her, genuine and real, and Haruka felt her heart skip a beat. Chihaya had always been more graceful than her, more careful; someone who would help her up after she tripped, someone who would sing a harmony while Haruka provided the melody. It was only natural that she was getting an international debut, and some part of her wanted the rest of the world to see how wonderful Chihaya’s voice was, how many times it had calmed her and given her a place to steady her heart.

Chihaya said she had never been one to smile, but Haruka knew differently, now.

“I’ll take pictures for you,” Chihaya said, squeezing Haruka’s hand again. “It won’t be the same without you in them, though.”

“It won’t be the same without you, either,” Haruka muttered, face falling. The cafe they were in was closing up for the night, and the lights grew darker by the second; somehow, Haruka felt, it seemed entirely inappropriate for such a gloomy conversation, that maybe somewhere lighter would help lift her back up.

“But it won’t be long,” Chihaya repeated. Haruka wondered if it was more to convince herself than anyone else. “Just a few months.”

A waiter waved at them, both as a _goodbye_ and a _hurry up_. Cheeks flush with embarrassment, Haruka asked, louder than she intended, “Can I write you?”

A small smile bloomed on Chihaya’s face as she stood up. “I’d like that.”

* * *

_Haruka —_

_I’m sorry it took me so long to write you back. It’s been a bit hectic here. At first I couldn’t even find my hotel. Someone from the record label was supposed to pick me up, but they sent someone who couldn’t understand Japanese, so I think we missed each other… And they gave me a cell phone to contact them, but I couldn’t understand how it worked. It’s so strange. You’re supposed to tap on it to get what you want, but there aren’t any buttons._

_I’m settled in now, though. I was happy to get your letter. Your solo concert sounds like fun. It makes me remember the time that we had a concert together, back before we had our big break. It was small, and there weren’t very many people, but… getting to perform with you made it one of my favorite concerts._

_I’d like very much to see your concert. I don’t know if I have a DVD player here. How would I check?_

__—_ Chihaya_

* * *

After seeing their Producer off at the airport, Mami had the excellent idea to try and guess which plane was his. (Makoto pointed out that his plane didn’t leave for another hour and a half, but it didn’t stop them all from going outside to watch despite her protests.)

Haruka joined them, at first, but their group felt a little lonely; when she looked around, Chihaya was nowhere to be found. Saying that she was going to get a drink of water, Haruka waved to the rest of the group, and back into the airport.

It didn’t take her long to find Chihaya, staring wistfully at the departure listings near where they left the Producer, brows furrowed and tight. Haruka decided that maybe it _would_ be a good idea to get a drink of water after all, and grabbed two bottles from the store near the entrance to the airport.

“Chihaya-chan!” she announced, holding out a bottle of water to her, Chihaya’s wide eyes softening at Haruka’s smile. “You didn’t go outside with us. I got a little worried.”

Chihaya scooted over to leave more room for Haruka, and Haruka pat her skirt before sitting down and smiling again. She forced a smile back, but it felt wrong on her lips; Haruka was everything Chihaya wasn’t, cheerful, always smiling, always able to see the bright side of things. Everything Chihaya wished she could be. “Haruka,” she managed at last, throat dry and scratched. “Sorry. I was lost in thought.”

“That’s okay,” Haruka said, leaning forward a little bit and swinging her legs. “I think we’re all a little sad today. It feels… empty without him, you know?” When she turned to look at Chihaya, her eyes were glistening. “But I don’t think there’s any reason to be sad. It’s not a goodbye.”

Chihaya turned to look at Haruka, and was struck by the beauty of her smile, how genuine it was, how much fire it gave her. It was almost unfair, how easily Haruka could cheer her up, how quickly heat rose to her face with that look, with Haruka’s gentle smile and the promise of a better tomorrow. She had spent so long in the past, wondering about _what-ifs_ and _maybes_ , yet Haruka always looked to tomorrow. Maybe all she had ever needed was a small push on her back from the warmth of Haruka’s hand, and a gentle squeeze promising that everything would be all right.

“It’s not, is it?” Chihaya said, voice gaining stronger timbre. “We’ll see him again.”

“It’s just a see you later!” Haruka finished as she leaned on Chihaya’s shoulder, a rock of support to get her rolling. “He’ll be back before we know it.”

Chihaya looked at the departures, myriads of cities all across the world, her eyes stopping at the flights to New York. “Just a see you later,” she repeated.

* * *

_To Chihaya-chan:_

_My solo concert went really well! Azusa-san said that the DVD came out perfectly, so I’ve sent that too. I hope you can watch it! There were so many people there, I got nervous like it was my first concert ever!_

_It made me think of the first time we performed together, too. I’m happy that you’re in New York now, because I think people all around the world will be moved by your songs. I want them to hear your voice like I hear it._

_But you know, I still felt sort of lonely at my concert. I was surrounded by so many people, and so many fans, but performing by myself on a stage feels so empty. My favorite concerts are the ones where I get to sing with you._

_I miss you. I hope you’re coming back soon! Maybe we can have a special concert together when you get back._

_(PS. They have those phones all over the world now! It uses a touch screen, and you don’t have to press any buttons at all. It’s like the machines at the karaoke place near the office!)_

_— Haruka_

* * *

It was one week until Chihaya left for New York, and her nerves were on fire.

Ritsuko suggested to take it easy and prepare before her departure, but Chihaya said she felt guilty ignoring jobs when everyone else was working so hard; despite Ritsuko’s insistence, she couldn’t be swayed, and every day ended like the day before it, TV appearances, song recordings, vocal lessons. It helped her focus on other things, take her mind off of it, pretend that things would always be the same.

Haruka, as always, snapped her out of her self-imposed trance.

It was only a few days before she was to leave, but Haruka insisted that Chihaya visit her house for the evening to rest, and after all, wouldn’t it be better to spend time with friends before she left? Chihaya tried to resist at first, but then realized that Haruka was right (she was always right), that she sorely missed the company of her friends, and it wasn’t worth pretending she didn’t. It wouldn’t be long until she wouldn’t be able to see them for a very long time.

It’s how she finds herself at six in the evening, walking into Haruka’s apartment in the city—she had moved to be closer to work, she said—to the smell of cooking food, the sizzling of a skillet, the low hum of a television. Signs of life that were never in Chihaya’s dark, dreary apartment, its curtains tied together, its fluorescent lights sputtering off in the evenings like a cough.

For a moment, Chihaya could almost believe she belonged there; in that cozy apartment, with the smell of food, the songs that Haruka sang while food cooked. Like it was the only place she had ever belonged.

It was drizzling outside that day, but Haruka’s home was warm, healing her wounds like the sun finally peeking through the clouds. If there was any place in the world that could shine as bright as the sun, it would be Haruka’s home.

“Welcome home, Chihaya-chan!”

Just a simple sentence sent Chihaya’s heart skipping into double-time, her mind racing. “I-I’m here, Haruka,” she stuttered, at a loss for words.

“No, silly, you’re supposed to say _I’m home_!” Haruka lectured, wagging her finger playfully and laughing. “What am I going to do with you?”

Chihaya sighed, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Would you like any help with dinner?”

Haruka shook her head. “It’s almost finished!” she said, motioning for Chihaya to take a seat at the kotatsu she had set up for the winter. “Just a few more minutes. Don’t worry about it.”

Chihaya slipped out of her shoes and set her bag and umbrella down at the entrance. Her coat, slick from the rain, felt heavy on her shoulders, and she hung it up on an empty rack near Haruka’s coat. Before long, she was at the kotatsu, crossing her legs to bring the heat toward her.

A few minutes later, Haruka brought two plates, one for each of them. Chihaya had never been more grateful to have a home cooked meal; she was never great at cooking for herself, and who knows how long it would be until she had it again, after her trip? Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Haruka smiling as she scarfed the food down, clearly more hungry than she had thought.

Such a nice meal, and it was over in mere minutes; Chihaya couldn’t imagine how much effort Haruka had put into it, how long it had taken. It tasted like nothing she had ever had before, warming her to the core, washing the rain away. It certainly reminded her of Haruka, overeager and happy to please, of the songs that she would sing, her voice lifting Chihaya up with every note. Funny, she thought, how such a simple meal could make her feel so special.

The show Haruka had on TV was some kind of game show, and Chihaya hadn’t really been paying attention; the TV in her apartment had stayed off for the years she had lived there. She wasn’t even sure if she had TV service; she had never bothered to ask. But when Haruka pointed at the TV and said, “Look, Chihaya-chan!”, her attention snapped back.

She saw herself, in an advertisement for a new drama series airing on the channel, heard her song, her singing voice. It made her cheeks a bit red. “Ah, um,” she started, looking away, “I had forgotten that was starting today. It’s an ad campaign for a new show. That was the song they asked me to sing.”

“It’s beautiful,” Haruka said, nearly breathless, her eyes sparkling. She didn’t say anything else until the commercial was over, breathing in the sound of Chihaya’s voice, powerful and potent. No matter how many times she had heard it, Chihaya’s voice never failed to amaze her.

When the commercial ended, and some snack product was front and center on the TV, Haruka turned to her with starstruck eyes. “You’re always so amazing, Chihaya-chan! I can understand why they picked you to sing for their show. I’m sure a lot of people will tune in just to hear your song.”

Chihaya blushed, looking at her knees, bundled up from the cold. “I’m glad you think so,” she said; she had never been one to be embarrassed, but why did Haruka’s praise send her to a grinding halt like no one else’s? She wasn’t nervous that her song was on TV; just glad that other people could hear it. So why was Haruka so different?

Haruka had always been different. Haruka had always been the one that smiled at her when she couldn’t smile at herself. Haruka had always cheered her on when she didn’t believe in herself.

Chihaya swallowed back a lump in her throat, and said, “I’m glad you got to see it before I left.”

Haruka scooted close to her; Chihaya hadn’t realized they’d gotten that close, but soon Haruka was next to her, away from her side of the kotatsu and close enough to touch. “Me too,” she said; her voice had faltered, but her smile hadn’t. “Maybe seeing it on TV will make it easier when you’re gone.”

“Easier?” Chihaya echoed. “What do you mean?”

Haruka pushed her fingers together, avoiding Chihaya’s gaze. “I just mean that I’m glad I’ll get to see you. Even if you’re not here for a while.”

Chihaya blinked. Was Haruka upset about it? She hadn’t let her smile fall until then, but Chihaya remembered that look from when she told Haruka the news. The way that, for just a moment, Haruka looked incredibly sad, crestfallen, her eyes losing the bright light they always had. “I’ll miss you,” Chihaya managed, reaching over to squeeze Haruka’s arm. “But it’s not a goodbye, remember?”

“You’re right,” Haruka said, throat dry. If Chihaya didn’t know any better, she could swear that Haruka was about to cry, eyes glassy and cheeks stained red.

They both turned back to the TV, but Chihaya could tell neither of them were really watching it, eyes glazing over from whatever program was on. When the game show turned to a different program, Chihaya looked at her watch and blanched; eight thirty was much later than she had intended to stay.

“I should get going,” she said, standing up. It pained her to leave Haruka like this, with a wall between them, with things left unsaid. But there were only a few days until her trip, and she hadn’t packed at all yet, pretending like she could put it off and everything would be okay.

“Oh,” Haruka said, rubbing her eyes with a sleeve. When she stood up, Chihaya noticed her eyes were the slightest bit pink. “Okay. Was the food good?”

The memory of their food, what seemed like so far away ago now, made Chihaya smile a bit. “It was delicious. I’d like to have it again when I get back.”

“Yeah.” That seemed to cheer Haruka up a little bit. “You can stay here for as long as you want. You can consider it your second home if you want, even! I’m always happy to see you.”

The words made Chihaya freeze for a moment. _Home_ was never a word that seemed to belong to her, a place she could never be. And yet Haruka was offering it to her, like it was something she had all along. She swallowed back the feeling rising in her heart, a feeling she hadn’t felt in a long time, the one she barely knew the name for.

Haruka walked her to the door, silent and solemn. Neither of them said anything as Chihaya slipped her shoes back on, her coat, grabbed for her umbrella and her bag. When she was all ready to leave, faced toward the door, Haruka suddenly said, “Chihaya-chan.”

Chihaya turned around, and was greeted with Haruka grabbing her hand, moving her face forward, Haruka’s lips brushing against hers.

It could barely be called a kiss. Haruka was always overeager, excited, ready for anything, but in that moment her hands were shaking, her movements unsure. Haruka looked directly into Chihaya’s eyes, and for a moment Chihaya felt like she could see the stars there, colored green like the hue of forests, a sort of heaven on Earth. Maybe it had always been there, if she had known where to look.

Chihaya gripped Haruka’s hand back with a gentle squeeze, moving forward, their lips meeting again. It wasn’t like it was on TV, like it was on the dramas she had sung songs for; it felt too novice, too inexperienced, their noses bumping against each other and Haruka’s hand awkwardly ghosting against Chihaya’s back. It wasn’t perfect, but it felt like it; a kind of perfection between them, in the way that their lips connected, the way that Haruka’s hand felt on hers, the way that time stopped.

When they pulled away from each other, feeling at once like two hours and two seconds had passed, Haruka looked at their hands, squeezed tight. “Come back safe, okay, Chihaya-chan?”

Chihaya felt the emotion from before, the one she couldn’t name, forming a smile on her face, dusting her cheeks with red. “I will,” she said, love healing her heart.

* * *

_Haruka —_

_I couldn’t quite figure out how to get the DVD you sent me to work. Maybe you could show me when I get home? I’m leaving next week. My work is done, but it hasn’t been the same without you._

_By the time you get this letter, I might already be home. I’m not sure what to write. I’ve never been good at writing my feelings out. But being able to send letters to you has made me very happy. It’s not like I never left, but it’s made it easier to be here, knowing that you’d send me a letter and be waiting for me when I get home._

_I don’t really know what it’s like to have a “home”, but I think I might know when I’m with you._

_I don’t know why I’m writing such embarrassing things… Please don’t bring this up in person. I’ll be back before you know it._

_— Chihaya_

* * *

“I told you it wasn’t a goodbye,” Haruka says as Chihaya walks through the gates at the airport.

“Just a see you later, right?” Chihaya echoes.

“Now it’s more like… a welcome home,” Haruka laughs, holding Chihaya’s hands and threading their fingers together. “Welcome back, Chihaya-chan.”

“I’m glad to be home, Haruka.”

When they kiss, it feels perfect.


End file.
